11:11pm - Thoughts
So I know it's been a while since I last wrote my thoughts, but I think it's about time and given that I have some explaining to do (reasons why I've been gone lately) not that I owe anyone an explanation, I just thought this could be another way for you guys to get to know me better and a chance for me as well to get to know you (if I still have readers out there) we could exchange thoughts.
Where I'm at?
Where do I begin? how about the day where everything started to go 180 degrees. So I moved back in to my folk's place last summer after living in a dorm and apartment for 2 years. So it was quite hard to go back to my old ways at home since I already had a daily routine. But nonetheless, I just had to adjust and eventually I did. But trust me, it was pretty drastic. Having to update my folks knowing the curfew of the village gates and lastly my siblings locking me out of the house. But.. there's a big BUT, there's always that silver lining. Not starving in the morning cause there's actually real food on the table (God I missed that), not worrying about dirty clothes and doing laundry and of course the feeling of being home. There's truly no place like home.
Then, my parents deciding to leave "separately" I did the quotations cause I feel like my parents are still together but just decided to leave apart and for some twisted weird reason, it worked out for them. I guess it's true what they say, it's different strokes for different folks. Plus, at least I still get to keep them both and not having to go through the whole drama of separation. But it was just a little hard since I have to go back and forth South just to be able to see my Dad, another process of adjustment that I had to go through, but it's okay since I'm a sucker for long drives in the express way. I do this thing where I put down the windows, turn up the music and let the air breeze through my spine up to my hair and sing my heart out - Pure bliss.
What I'm doing?
Well as most of you know I'm currently working for a corporate company as a creative, where I didn't really imagine myself doing. Is it fun? Absolutely. Doing pull-outs and shooting in creative spaces is basically what I love to do. It's where I catch myself saying "this is what I want to do for living" but again since it's a corporate, I still wind up being in four walls in front of a desk and can't help but feel that you are being boxed in. And I guess when I got this job, I applied for it for the wrong reasons such as pressure, compromising and expectations and it just caught up with me.
Is corporate for me? I don't think so, I believe that corporate is not for everyone. If it happen to fit perfectly in your shoes, then that's great! But if not, never ever force yourself. And don't ever think it was a waste of time, cause learning something is never a waste of time. Besides you will never really know if you didn't try right? Just remember at the end of the day what matters the most is what ever that thing that makes your soul happy and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Maybe I'll end it here, since I myself is still figuring things out, but I promise I will dedicate a different blog post once I got my sh*t together. Remember, everything is about perspective. You can either look at this as a setback or you can embrace these detours and wrong turns since that's what make you, you and makes life pretty interesting.
My relationship status - One deep breath before I start typing.
This is probably one of the most frequent asked question by friends, family and a few people who follows me on Snapchat and other social media platforms. Seriously guys, I don't know how you picked up on it. But yes, I'm currently single, there I said it! My 3 year relationship had reached it's expiration date. But I would love to believe the relationship had a good run. It was the type of relationship where you didn't need a Plan B, you know what I mean? But again, it also back fired on me.
A little tip: Try your best not to depend your happiness to anyone but yourself. FIRST. Because trust me once you find that base foundation core of happiness within yourself, you would have so much positivity in you that you would have enough to spare and spread it like confetti. And you wouldn't ever be shaken, well once in a while you might do, and that's normal, but just make sure you learn how to snap out of it. Don't worry, it's a working progress.
Am I okay? At first no obviously. Who is right? But as much as this saying has been said probably a billion times, it's true. Time does heal everything. It's basically like a fresh open wound that hurts like hell, it's where you feel like punching anyone's face the moment they pour the alcohol and just scream your heart out. But once the peak of the pain subsides, you get used to the feeling and slowly you realize it's not that bad after all. It EXACTLY feels like that. But that's the thing about wounds they heal but never fade and I like to look at those scars as simple reminders of the challenges you've encountered in life and makes you, YOU.
My realizations? Well to be honest, the timing couldn't be any perfect. Why? Because we both knew that we were going through different directions and I guess he just knew what was coming and he was the only one in the relationship who had the balls to end it with a firm grip. He was actually doing me a favor, a favor that took a while to realize. Imagine, I work 5 times a week, 9 hours a day while keeping my social life alive, blogging in between and have a quick escape on weekends to keep me sane. And, it's true what they say, 20's are for the selfish years. It's those years where you should allow yourself to commit mistakes. It's quite scary to think since we're expected to achieve a lot in these years. And being in a serious relationship that we had was just not going working out.
I guess we started to have a different perspectives in life for the long run, and that was okay. My mom once told me that the only thing consistent in life is CHANGE and you just have to keep up with it.
Are we in good terms? At first no. But now? It's safe to say that we are. We both left the relationship with our dignity and respect for one another and there's no other way I would want it to be since I never had that. Break ups has always been a little b*tch to me. More often it ends up being bitter and full of regrets. But this one, was rare. I can honestly say he became the best EX ever! Weird I know, but that's how it feels. It's like if every I bumped in to him anywhere, I would definitely not hesitate to say hi. And, that's golden.
" The thing about being single is, you should cherish it. Because, in a week, or a lifetime, of being alone, you may only got one moment. When you're not tied up in a relationship with anyone. One moment, when you stand on your own."
- Alice from the movie "How to be single"
Am I still blogging?
Yes, but it did cross a yellow light since I was cruising too many roads. But I do miss it and still am missing it. Seriously while typing this, my fingers couldn't stop since I had so many thoughts and insights running through my head. Do I plan to stop? Hell no! I'm actually hoping this blog post could jumpstart me back to writing again. 365storiestotell 2.0 if you must.
So to all the brands I've worked with and still currently working with, I would like to take this time and apologize for the traffic I've caused and not being able to reply to the emails as quick as before. This really had been a lengthy pit stop that I had to go through. The question of continuing this road or not, but I've already decided. I'M CONTINUING THIS GUYS, I'm not planning to switch lanes any time soon.
It's safe to say that I myself hit rock bottom physically and emotionally, but I'm okay. You know why? Because from this point and on, there's no way but UP. Well, that's how I would like to look at it. Remember, everything is about perspective.
So to wrap this up, am I mess, but a mess that I found beauty in. For some reason I'm getting addicted to the idea of getting lost because I get surprised to the pieces that find me and vise versa. Literally I find pieces of myself in places, songs, books and even in people. Getting lost has never been this good.